


Why Didn't He Tell Me

by icequeen57



Category: bare: A Pop Opera - Hartmere/Intrabartolo
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, M/M, This is Bad, i needed a little but of hope, im not okay, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 09:34:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15482829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icequeen57/pseuds/icequeen57
Summary: What if the ending changed jut a little bit.I'm trash.Starts after Queen Mab. I needed to vent a little.





	Why Didn't He Tell Me

It wasn’t until later, after the play, after the paramedics, the ambulance, did the things he said make sense. That was a suicide note. It was his damn note. Why didn’t he tell me upfront. Why didn’t I listen. Why didn’t I say something. I knew something was wrong, he was acting weird, and I did nothing.

God, why didn’t I say anything. Why didn’t I run with him. I loved him, I love him. Always will. I should have run.

Nadia went in the ambulance with him, I wanted to go but I couldn’t watch him leave me, not again. Their parents didn’t even go. They got into a fight with the school, me, my mom. They were blaming us, and I ran. Was it really my fault. How could a love so pure be do bad. Nothing in my life had ever been that holy, that good. Did I do this, could someone please just fix this please!

“Oh, sweat child,” I looked up to see who had spoken, who had spoken. To see if someone had to yell at me for killing… for losing…

But it was only Sister Chantelle. “How’d you find me,” it hurt to talk, my voice horse and scratchy.

“Instinct.” She moved to sit next me on the floor. I didn’t even realize where I was, I just ran.

 I ended up in my old room, the one I shared with… the one I used to share with…

We just sat there for a while. She didn’t make me speak, she put a arm around me, and just talked. I wasn’t paying attention to what she was saying. That was until she said _his_ name. “…might be okay. He was still breathing when he left, so the only thing we can do know is pray.”

“It’s not going to work.”

“Now why,” her accent thick with disbelief and surprise, “in all of tarnation would you think that?”

“He said that, that father said… father said…”I trailed off.

“Oh Peter,” she held me closer, “I will personally tear him a new one for that, I can promise you that.” I let out a humorless laugh, and my vision blurred. We sat there for a long time, I had fallen asleep.

I woke up to Matt coming in and waking me up. I didn’t know how long I had slept, but I didn’t feel rested. I looked behind him to see Ivy and my mother in the door way. “What do you want?” my voice wasn’t as horse anymore, more thick and groggy, then again I was. My mom came to my side, she looked out of place. They all did.

 This room was ours, it was mine and his. It was here he kissed me, where he loved me and I didn’t want anyone in here, no one but him. That wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. He was gone.

I realized they had been speaking when my mom gently put her hand on my cheek and said “Honey do you want to go?”

“What? Go where?”

“The hospital, Jason’s in a coma. He’s not out of the woods yet, but he’s at least breathing on his own. ”

That moment, it felt like I was breathing and suffocating at the same time. No he was gone, he was gone, I had come to terms with the fact that he was gone. He died in my arms, after I said I wouldn’t run with him. When I told him it was over.

“They wouldn’t let me in, they, his parents.” I was struggling to process. 

“His mother would rather see him alive with someone, then try this again.”

“Yes, yes, we need to go now.”  I stood up and felt light headed. I then fell, only to have my mother and Matt help me up. Once I could stand I rushed for the door, and pushed past Ivy, who was still at the door, and ran to the entrance. I saw Sister Chantelle and Father having conversation, though it looked like she was scolding him. It made me feel warm to see something happening.

I ended up having to wait on my mom for a few minutes, and there was a buzz under my skin. She came out of the building with Ivy and Matt. Mom unlocked the door and I slid in the passenger seat. Ivy and Matt hesitated, then slid into the back.  They were tense, but I guess when I didn’t say anything they relaxed.

When we finally drove off the buzz under my skin was becoming almost unbearable. The drive was so long and quiet and stressful. What he dies before we get there, what if he…

That was the thing that was going to kill me the most, the “what if’s”. it was soul crushing.

When we finally got there I didn’t even wait until the car stopped. I just ran. I went to the front desk and the women at the desk barely gave me a raised eyebrow, “Please I’m sorry but I need to see J… J…” I couldn’t say his name. “McConnell, please.”

“Listen kid, I cant just give you that kind of infor-“ she was cut off but Nadia calling my name. Mom, Ivy, and Matt were already standing with her and I ran to them. “You cant run in here kid.” I ignored her.

Nadia led us to his room. Take that front desk lady. When we got there his mother was in the room, and his father was no where to be found. Nadia answered the unasked question “He’s been sleeping with his assistant, so mom left him.” Well then.

“Can I…?” I needed to see him.

“Go ahead,” Nadia said and I sat in the seat on the other side of the bed then his mom was on. I just sat there staring at him. He looked so peaceful. I missed this. Before, when we shared a room, and he would fall asleep first, I would just look at him. It sound really creepy but it was just something I liked to do. When I couldn’t fall asleep after, well after _that,_ I would just run I fingers through his hair, his perfect soft wonderful hair. He mentioned it once, said it was southing, then I just started doing it whenever I could.

My fingers itched for it, just to make sure he was real. I needed him to be real. He looked the same, and his hand, that I almost didn’t realize I had taken, felt the same. Warm.

Oh thank God.

All I could do was stare at him. He looked like he was sleeping. He looked like he was sleeping when he fell. When he collapsed. When he fell. When he wouldn’t wake up.

I just keep looking at him, and I keep seeing him on that stage. I seeing what he looked like. And then I hear him. Asking me to leave with him. Telling me to stay, telling me I was real. Then telling me he loved me. That he loved me from the start.  He was telling me goodbye I didn’t even know.

Now maybe there was a chance to say hello, again.

“We’d never be 12 again, but maybe we could start again,” I thought as I grabbed his hand.

**Author's Note:**

> this ends kinda openly but i might add to it. there is not a lot of works for this fandom so i took maters into my own hands im so so sorry
> 
> i dont know much about hospitals or drugs so most of this will be wrong just saying


End file.
